Finally, Some Excitement!

       Well, it finally got so boring out here that we went to the big city for some excitement. Since we got back home we've been sitting around here with our eyes wide open in admiration of those that actually live in the fast forward, fast lane, detour full, paved, stoplighted, parking lotted and confusing city. We are thankful to have made it home alive.
       The first mistake we made was to get up at five AM to get ready to drive four hours to get there. When I say we live in the country I mean way out there. Our nearest town over ten thousand people is over two hours away unless you count Canada. Then it is closer but there is THE BORDER in between. I prefer to keep my beard and mustache at home simply to avoid the hassle of Crossing THE BORDER.
     But I digress - it is four hours to the BIG CITY that I am referring to when I say we got up at five AM to go there. Then - we get into the car around six o'clock after I feed the horses and cats. We drive for forty-five minutes to a bigger place than ours to leave our dog with the grandkids. He is far too fragile to take to the BIG CITY in cold weather. (He may be far too fragile to leave with the grandkids, too, but that is a problem for a different day than this.) We are GOING SHOPPING!
       We got to the Big City around 9:30 AM. For all that time we were driving a two lane highway(?) through the countryside, through small towns, farms, ranches, wheat fields and forests.
       Did we see a stop light anywhere? No! Did we see a parking lot? NO! Did we see another car or pickup? NO-O-O-O! In Ho Hum County there are only about three or four stoplights. The biggest parking lot is at Wal-Mart forty miles away and at six o'clock in the morning there are not very many cars. We only saw about four cars in the forty miles. Congested it ain't in our Ho Hum County.
       Now you take an old country boy who herds his pickup to town ever few days, forgets where he is going when he gets there, picks up a little mail, goes to the grocery store and then calls home to see if he forgot anything and then you place him in THE BIG CITY and you have the recipe for disaster. The most he has seen at home is a rush two minutes when the apple packing shed sends everyone to town during their lunch time. If he gets to Wal-Mart he gets to see one stoplight in forty miles. A busy day is when he doesn't make the left turn arrow at the stoplight and has to wait for the stop-go cycle to come back around.
       So here we are in the big city. Everything has changed since we were here last. CostCo has moved so we have to go on search and rescue to find it because we are going there first.
       Found it! A major triumph of skill, map reading and dumb luck (just like playing Monopoly). We drive into the parking lot and see more cars than we realized were ever made. We get lucky and find a parking place, recently vacated, only twenty-four cars away from the front door. Then we join the throng of forty-seven hundred people headed for the front door. This is Christmas time, you know. Now it is search and rescue time again. Where are the toys, batteries, tools, throw rugs, towels, socks, shoes, computer printers, weight sets, and aspirin? (Better get two or three bottles.)
       Now for the hard part. Which line is the shortest? Give the lady your card, unload all that stuff; yes we want boxes, (I burn them in my shop). Get the receipt and head for the door. Load it into the truck. Now where?
       Head for Sears. Where is it? Debate. Oh, I remember now it's at the Hustle and Bustle Mall. So we hustle our bustles over to the Mall and sure enough Sears is right where we left it last time we were in the BIG CITY.
       I dropped off Granny at the mall and left for the industrial area to see if I could find the Golf Car place. I need to look at golf cars because I haven't had a golf fix since two days after Thanksgiving. I want to buy a golf cart for next year so the best place is a Golf Car place. (What logic.)
       Granny had a great time at the mall and I got to see lots of golf cars after I finally remembered the way from the mall to the industrial area without going through downtown Big, Big City. It took me all of twenty minutes to see the golf cars and I was supposed to be gone for about three hours. I had used up a whole hour.
       The good part is that I started to go back to the mall and decided to go on past and see if I could find a place to wash my truck. As I passed up the first one I found a gas station so refueled the truck. When I started on to find the car wash Granny called me on the phone and said she was done and we needed to go somewhere else. (GLADLY)
       I went to meet her at Sears Very Large Department Store. We bought out the store, loaded up and headed for the next spot that I can't even remember now. (It doesn't take long for everything to begin to blur on me after I have been shopping for two days.)
       The upshot of all this activity is that we had seen an article about a Christmas Bazaar at an old school house on our way home if we chose to go that way. We chose. So after only forty days of shopping (or about as long as Noah lived through on the Ark when it rained for forty days) in the Big, Big City we headed out for home, stopped at the bazaar in the old schoolhouse, took pictures of it (retired school teachers -you know) and went home.
       We stopped and picked up the dog. He was worn out from playing with the grandkids and their cats and dogs so he went right to sleep. I should be so lucky. It took me a long time to get to sleep. I think it was because my eyes were opened so wide from travel and traffic in the Big Big City that I couldn't get them to close.
       So we finally got back home to laid back Ho Hum County where nothing ever happens and if I could get my eyes to close I would like it that way.