How to Get Retired

Grandpas Farm

The news from Ho Hum County

How to Get Re-tired

       As a small child growing up the thought of retirement never entered my mind. I knew my grandpa was retired but as I watched him mosey about from one little piddly task to another I never could figure out how he got tired or did enough to get re-tired.

       I just naturally assumed that since he got up early and fed chickens, pulled a few weeds in the garden, talked to his neighbors, watched me mow the yard, and then took a nap after lunch, that the re-tired part must be the stuff he did after his nap. Only lots of times he took me fishing after his nap and what could be tiring about sitting on the bank of a pond with an eight year old? (Little did I know then.) I thought being retired might make a good occupation except it seemed a little dull unless you happened to catch a pretty good fish.

       I asked my dad and he explained that my grandpa had retired from farming so I assumed that being retired meant that farming had made him tired and that getting up and piddling around every day was what made him re-tired. I thought that maybe he was only capable of piddling around a little every day and once in a while he saved himself up for a fishing excursion.

       Then he got a part time job. He was the night watchman at the county shop from about six P M until eleven P M.  I don’t know why the county felt the night needed to be watched. It must have been up to something. I was pretty worried that he might end up re-re-tired and that it might cause the loss of our fishing excursions. I immediately offered my services figuring that I could watch the night as good as any seventy year old man and that if I helped it would hopefully restore the highlight of my summer activities which was fishing with grandpa. My dad farmed all summer, working on his retirement, so he didn’t have time to take me fishing. He didn’t like to fish anyway.

       After one night as assistant night watchman I realized there was nothing to worry about. We went in to the shop, turned on the yard lights and some shop lights and the radio and listened to The Lone Ranger and anything else that came on before ten o'clock when I usually fell asleep. It seemed like just so much more piddling around to me.

       Time moved on. My dad finished his college degree and became a vocational agriculture and shop teacher. Then he became high school principal (still farming all this time). When he finished his doctorate we moved to Seattle, Washington. My grandpa passed away, my dad retired after farming, being a teacher and a college professor (but he still had the farm). I went to college, became a teacher and administrator and after 31 years retired.

       Somehow, my retirement has never reached the piddling around stage. I think I have it figured out. My grandpa and my dad both started as farmers. I taught school first and then started farming. I think I only got tired from teaching and now I have to do the farming part until I get re-tired.

       So, now, if you will excuse me, I'm going to send my wife to town for tractor parts, and then I’ll see if we can get this haying done. We should buy some chickens, plant more corn in the garden and build a bigger barn. Maybe I’ll get to the piddling around stage sooner that way. Hope it works.   If it doesn't I'll just call up my grandson and go fishing.